Sunday, August 5, 2012

Some Memories From Past-Not Perfect But Worth Remembering

My childhood days were very interesting and pleasing. I was a shy little girl who was loved by everyone. My mum and dad, the most amazing and caring parents in this world. I never realized what the struggle was, what it felt not to be loved by parents and relatives. Overall, my childhood was a wonderful and memorable moments of my life.

I still remember that incident when I was in first grade of my school. I had participated in a running competition and my position was last. However, I still wonder and feel so proud that I had participated in that game. Actually, it was a running competition of senior grades students, so called big boy’s competition. While they were collecting the name of participants, I was there and I told them I want to play, they laughed at me and replied politely, this is not your game sweetie and that’s obvious, but again I insisted to participate. At this time, I thought why I can’t play if other can play, that was the first childish thought come to my mind. Finally, although that’s for humor, they decided to include me. Eventually, I made that game very interesting to everybody. The funny thing was, when referee said get set and go, I was about to run and by that time winner was already selected but I was still running to reach the target point. One of my teachers was very surprised by my courage. He came near to me and said “congratulations dear, you are last”. I was very glad; I did not even understand meaning of first or last because he gave me a pencil and copy as a prize, yay! 

Everybody needs an inspiration and a role model to step ahead in life. It is not necessary that we cannot move forward without influencing factors. However, except some extraordinary people, rest of the people need someone in their lifetime to lead in the right way of their destination with invaluable support. While I was in school I had got very wonderful friends and teachers who are responsible for what I am now. Without them, I may get lost somewhere. Hence, I feel so lucky to have such amazing friends and teachers. 

Whereas, sometime having someone around you all the time can make you dependent and can be harmful too. I realized that after I went to the capital city of Nepal, Kathmandu for my Bachelor Degree. I was 18, innocent, dependent and a naive. I was from remote village; I never traveled alone in public bus and public places. I exactly did not know what I wanted to be in my life. I had lost many times on the road of Kathmandu; it took me very long time to figure out the direction to go. May be at that time I did not feel the necessity to explore the world because I had already met a very sweet and adorable friend Nirmala as my classmate. She was pretty with long hair and very caring attitude. I have to say she was my best friend that I ever had. Despite of being far from my family, I was not alone there only because of her. I had found someone who can help me every time and for everything. In other words, without even realizing myself, I was totally dependent on her.

Every individual is different person and they have their own pace and style of learning. However, at that time, I just wanted to study how Nirmala used to study and I never cared for the direction to go anywhere unless she was there. I never tried to be myself, instead I always became as she was. She was very intelligent and smart girl, so being like her never led me in reverse direction. We used to enjoy walking together for long distance and loved to talk with each other, at the same time we were serious about our study too. Every person who knew both of us, always used to surprise and some of them used to get jealous of our friendship. We used to be an example of what friends should be alike. But, time is very cruel, that can change everything and even our friendship. Since, one of our friend moved near to her house, she used to come together with her and then we started to walk in the group. That was initial change but a really hard moment for me to adjust. I felt like my best friend is steadily going away from me. That sounds like awkward but I was emotionally being very fragile. After certain time this change that I realized I cannot do anything without her help like, studying, shopping, traveling and even making new friends. In the beginning it was hurting a lot but immediately, one day a thought came in my mind that everything happen for a reason and this is the time to be myself and I have to explore the world on my own. I accepted that as a challenge and as an opportunity to know myself. As a result, I tried to avoid her slowly. Many times she wanted to come closer and asked me, what her fault was. She did not even know why I was avoiding her, since then I had already changed into myself. There was a time we both cried together because of this distance between our friendships. By that time I was strong enough to handle myself and explained to her it was not her mistake and it really wasn’t, instead that helped me to understand my situation. It was all demand of time and I had to pay my best friend for a while as the price of my dependency.

Luckily, we are still same best friend as we were before, besides substantial modification on my dependent attitude. Now, I am real me with my own style, nature and ambition. Now I can go anywhere as I want, even I am in America, without anyone’s help. I am not afraid to talk with anybody and can do anything what I want. This way, I learned a lesson that we do not need to change for anybody to impress and to be a smart enough because you are an original piece which cannot be replaced by anyone else. You can shine your hidden talents as fireworks do in the night with its light. Do not worry if all the doors in front of you are closed, maybe it’s because you could open one and will led you to the perfect road and will show the world why you are worth .

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